just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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