4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
