Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Less talking, more tequila
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
