dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
