Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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