His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
