well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
