I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
