3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
