Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
