Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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