So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
