Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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