I'm lost and stupid without you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think your dad took our porno
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up under a house in Key West
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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