And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
