You're so nebulous sometimes
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Holy sore nipples Batman
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
