omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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