it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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