I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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