Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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