i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
