yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
