dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
