did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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