We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
