i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You made out with two different species that night
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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