get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
