come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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