the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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