no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
a search helicopter?!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
