I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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