I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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