and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
