let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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