I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
