Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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