You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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