I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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