Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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