There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
