so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
