Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
