You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
