i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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