after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
