I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
