I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
