My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
