we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
