Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
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Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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