Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
