You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize