Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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