I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
