New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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