You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
