So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
