What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
