I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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