So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
