What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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