That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
