I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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