Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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