boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just want to make out with him forever
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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