I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
