someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
