we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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