Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
