oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
