question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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