Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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