Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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