hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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