OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm at about main and main street
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
