The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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