If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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