i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
