and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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