Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
